Tuesday, October 25, 2005

bring your toothbrush but no flashlights

we interupt our month of silence for a brief chizuk to many of our readers

to all current and ex zionist youth movement types
a memo regarding your participation in and planning of wide games, "get out of russia" type station tochniot and generally any kind of simulation game that involves children completing ostensibly impossible and clearly imbecelic tasks just to get whats rightfully theirs.

please ignore all those 'adults' and cynics who have told you that the above activity is frivolous, uneducational and totally unrelated to real life.

intense undercover work by our staff at the jerusalem bet din has revealed that these activities are possibly the best preparation for surviving a morning in this oft (and understandably) reviled institution. in fact based on this research we would like to offer the following suggested additions in order to make these worthy operations even more beneficial for future generations of budding zionists and sadists.

1) be sure that all people manning the stations speak under their breath and incoherently.

2) have said incoherent people give participants a form that they must fill out in a foreign language (ie not english or hebrew or any they can write) before they can open an official file.

3) request that participants have this form stamped by someone who also doesnt understand before they go to see the 'expert' who can actually read and write said language.

4) when said form is finally filled in by expert (contestants will realize that they have to take initiative and skip out the stamping person) make sure the expert (however nice he turns out to be) is forbidden from giving his approval to them personally but rather have him fax it down 3 flights of stairs to original incoherent person

5) ensure that participants queue another hour to meet again with original incoherent person.

6) have original incoherent person reprimand them several times for filling in this form before opening a file.

7) once file is filled in have participants queue again 5 feet to the left of original incoherent person in order to pick up fax to give back to him.

8) finally place a security guard in charge of the lines of participants who looks and acts uncannily like a mental patient on his day out from 'the home'.

yes indeed add just one of these steps to your endeavour and your participants will not only bond better as a team but they will discover all sort of tendencies to violence, cursing and even voting for shinui that they themselves had no idea about!

Hasham Imachem!