happiness and understanding real comedy
objectively my life is crazy and surreal.
i'm following up all my news from my last post with a month's vacation in the States, Canada and UK.... not with A. i told you - crazy.
and if that were not crazy enough on a larger than life kind of scale, the guilt that is accompanying me on this trip is even crazier.
my original aim for this trip -- planned before i met A -- was comedy: to watch, to write, to do a workshop or two and to perform. and yet this doesnt seem to be happening quite like i planned
certain parameters have changed
1) physically: my time in ny is shorter as in addition to visiting some friends and catching a family wedding i'm also meeting A's family which includes a 4 day trip to LA (much to moan about, not!)
2) mentally: i must acknoweldege the need to relax post engagement and before getting back to a new job and a ton of responsiblity
3) emotionally: i just dont feel so funny or at the least in the mood for writing that i thought that i would
#s 1 and 2 are understandable but #3 was the most worrying -- and has brought about much guilt ... i should be writing my blog, i should be writing reams, i should be doing everything possible, i shouldnt be spending too much money etc etc etc.
the thought that finding the love of my life had possibly killed my comic creativity was mind-crippling and my lack of writing inspiration shocking especially as my whole writing 'thang' was kickstarted by the non-stop jotting down of adventures that enveloped me when i traveled three years ago.
fear not, for wisdom of friends given to be along the way (and the grace of g-d which allows me to eventually hear them) has persuaded me that this is not in fact the case. in particular one conversation caught with a dear confidante during her lunchbreak somewhere in midtown NY last week shed much light on the issue. as she put it -- you cant be that funny when you're happy. think about it, comedians may bring much laughter to the world but its mostly as they kvetch and moan about their life anxsts. we laugh as their trials resonate with us and we gain some relief from ours.
so what does that mean for me? does it mean a life of warmth and happiness with A but no more comedy, or vice versa (which i dont even want to type out in case of tempting fate)???
well luckily it means neither.
what it does mean, is that while at this point in my life i am incredibly happy and grateful for the gifts that i am receive daily, one day (probably as work and wedding plans get going again) there will be once again:
phew... i dont need to deconstruct my genuinely happy state just for the sake of my craft, relief indeed/
my job now is to simply appreciate this reprieve from half-glass-empty life and trust that when i need it for material it will be there again.
doesnt get much crazier!
i'm following up all my news from my last post with a month's vacation in the States, Canada and UK.... not with A. i told you - crazy.
and if that were not crazy enough on a larger than life kind of scale, the guilt that is accompanying me on this trip is even crazier.
my original aim for this trip -- planned before i met A -- was comedy: to watch, to write, to do a workshop or two and to perform. and yet this doesnt seem to be happening quite like i planned
certain parameters have changed
1) physically: my time in ny is shorter as in addition to visiting some friends and catching a family wedding i'm also meeting A's family which includes a 4 day trip to LA (much to moan about, not!)
2) mentally: i must acknoweldege the need to relax post engagement and before getting back to a new job and a ton of responsiblity
3) emotionally: i just dont feel so funny or at the least in the mood for writing that i thought that i would
#s 1 and 2 are understandable but #3 was the most worrying -- and has brought about much guilt ... i should be writing my blog, i should be writing reams, i should be doing everything possible, i shouldnt be spending too much money etc etc etc.
the thought that finding the love of my life had possibly killed my comic creativity was mind-crippling and my lack of writing inspiration shocking especially as my whole writing 'thang' was kickstarted by the non-stop jotting down of adventures that enveloped me when i traveled three years ago.
fear not, for wisdom of friends given to be along the way (and the grace of g-d which allows me to eventually hear them) has persuaded me that this is not in fact the case. in particular one conversation caught with a dear confidante during her lunchbreak somewhere in midtown NY last week shed much light on the issue. as she put it -- you cant be that funny when you're happy. think about it, comedians may bring much laughter to the world but its mostly as they kvetch and moan about their life anxsts. we laugh as their trials resonate with us and we gain some relief from ours.
so what does that mean for me? does it mean a life of warmth and happiness with A but no more comedy, or vice versa (which i dont even want to type out in case of tempting fate)???
well luckily it means neither.
what it does mean, is that while at this point in my life i am incredibly happy and grateful for the gifts that i am receive daily, one day (probably as work and wedding plans get going again) there will be once again:
- increasing number of days where i could easily strangle pollyanna rather than play her MB all time favorite glad game.
- times that will get me swearing and cursing (depending on whether there are brits or americans in the room -- with israelis i'll use both).
- life events that will extend even further comically than my single routine to make 'em laugh
phew... i dont need to deconstruct my genuinely happy state just for the sake of my craft, relief indeed/
my job now is to simply appreciate this reprieve from half-glass-empty life and trust that when i need it for material it will be there again.
doesnt get much crazier!
posted by LG at 3:28 PM
<< Home