Tuesday, September 21, 2004

which came first?

just taken far too much time trying to change the bloody template on this blog. whatever happened to plain and simple html??? i'm only 3 years out of the internet bubble and i know nothing about a webpage anymore. or maybe now that i work in the real world i just dont have time to play about with these things while in the office..... oh for the days when my responsibility was looking for broken links on the "why i love jesus" guest book.

pardon???

yes i guess you didnt know that this nice jewish girl used to be the webmaster on an evangelical christian website. long and not so interesting story, second only to my stints as exam invigilator for israeli matriculation exams and carmelli bagel shop assistant, but suffice to say career paths are not really my forte or rather staying on them isnt.

truth is, this realization has been a bit of shock to the system. it's hard to admit that 14 years later i still haven't found what i'm looking for. especially since i was a bit of a square / straight A student (well not quite -- AAB -- and that was when
A levels were worth the parchment they were written on)

the frustrating thing is, i dont seem to retain any pertinent knowledge.
i can remember how many weddings i've been to (101, no divorces), i know what i was doing 27 april 1986 (climbing masada) and i remember birthdays of people i went to kindergarten with (happy birthday liza kliman for the 25th) but ask me to write a bit of html or explain the principles of health education, now thats something else. bloody hell, i have a BSc in cell biology (not a BS you 'BS'ing americans) and yet i still found myself in doubt over a debate with my neighbor as to whether a rooster helps to make chicks or if a hen "does it all herself". (the answer is oh-my-god yes of course they're involved -- they just have no visiting rights afterwards. check out this
link if you're confused.)

(Perhaps I should be doing this
woman's job. Polly never does the detective work but she can always identify a crim by his specific MO, however far back.)

why is this? is my memory saving space for the ultimate truth or do i just need to do a major clear out of the grey cells. or is it an issue of confidence?

i question myself if i know something when i havent thought about it or been part of it for years. especially when its what other people have created, written. my memories (as opposed to memory) are something different, they are my own, catalogued by my own unique set of connectors, viewed personally by me. i can have no doubt what i saw, smelt, felt, heard, touched -- i was there. and the date thing is just a logic puzzle linking them all up

mmmm, could be something in this. after all i often meet alot of people who are totally confident in what they know and do - even though they know nothing at all.

a lesson to be learned here if i can just remember it.